So, I had this dream about Rodney, and then there were Twitch City parallels and ow, my entire life.

And then there's the part where Sheppard showcases his ridiculous (an unlikely) knowledge of Canadian television. Rodney will be insulted, of course...

Shinto Death Cults
by Pares

"I am not a lazy, bathrobed shut-in, thanks. And who asked you, anyway?"

"Oh come on, Rodney. It's the perfect place for you. Trek on VHS, all the Frooty Os you can eat, a cat. And tell me you wouldn't love to while away the hours arguing plot flaws with Newbie." John leaned in and wheedled, "You'd even get a hot girlfriend."

"Oh, please. I'm sure Hope was a lovely person, and personally I find the freckles very charming, but her attachment to that moron shows her utter lack of sense, and I don't have any patience for that sort of thing."

John's eyebrows raised sharply.

"She was into Curtis because he'd go down on her in a heartbeat, and was apparently pretty good at it. And so, against her better judgement, she was sexually attracted to the guy, and therefore got sort of fond of him. That happens sometimes, even to brilliant astrophysicists, right?"

"I don't know what's more disturbing: your demented crush on Don McKellar or the fact that you can actually whistle the theme song to The Littlest Hobo."

"I think you're missing the point," John said, now leaning in so closely that his nose nearly brushed Rodney's.

Rodney's eyes went wide.

"Oh my god, you're Hope in this scenario, aren't you?"

John cocked his head and gave him a "duh" look.

"So. So-- I could go down on you. If. If you wanted."

"Thank god," John muttered, reaching forward to slide his hands into Rodney's hair.

END

ETA: Look! Look what basingstoke wrote!