Candy Mountain
by Pares
Although Jack had always thought of the Nox as fairies, or maybe sprites, the Furlings were pretty much elves.
Keebler Elves.
Keebler Elves with bad attitudes and big honkin' guns.
He emptied another huge bucket full of little irregular glowing multicolored stones on the low table, and while Daniel favored him with a peevish look, Carter just looked set and unhappy.
Teal'c, who had a long pair of tweezers that ended in little velvet covered curved clappers to baby the stones from one pile to another, chose a stone the color of new grass and set it in a basket full of stones of that same shade.
"O'Neill, I do not believe that this task can be completed in the allotted time," he said.
"We're not supposed to," Jack hissed. "Rumplestilzkin over there wants us to lose so he can get his grubby little hands on you, lover boy. That's why we'd better hope that Jacob can get Thor over here before I have to hear any wedding bells."
Teal'c looked serene enough, and said only, "I believe he said his name was Gilo."
"I don't know why Teal'c has to marry him," Daniel wondered. "You were the one who ate the jellybean in the first place."
"Come on, Daniel, he couldn't have known that it represented a third of Gilo's wealth." Carter sifted through the stones and came up with three the color of cheddar cheese. "Besides, they really look like jellybeans."
"Can we focus for a minute? We're being held hostage in Candy Mountain by evil midgets. Who want to have their wicked way with my team."
"Well, really, they only seem interested in Teal'c," Daniel said. He studied Teal'c himself, as if wondering exactly what had drawn Gilo to him so inexorably.
"Indeed," Teal'c said calmly.
"Evil. Midgets," Jack said again, trying his best to convey the full import of those two words.
"They're not evil, Jack. We simply broke one of their cultural taboos and-- inadvertently cost Gilo a lot of money."
"You know, I bet Thor would really like these," Carter said, and popped a bean the size and color of a red grape in her mouth. Then she made a wretched face and spat it out again in the palm of her hand.
Teal'c regarded her. "You, it would seem, do not."
Hardly believing that he'd seen Carter actually do that, Jack was grateful when tingly gold spangled his vision and Thor beamed them out of the hideously cheerful sorting room and on to his spare, clean, non-candy colored or candy-coated deck. He blinked his huge, liquid eyes at them, and Jack felt a rush of affection for the glossy little guy.
"Home, Jeeves," Jack said with some relief.
Thor ignored this comment with his usual aplomb and simply cranked up a hyperspace window.
"You know, I could really go for some Vienna fingers," Daniel said.
"Oh, or Grasshoppers," Carter enthused.
For the first time in what seemed like years, Teal'c looked vaguely horrified.
Jack thought about explaining that they were baked goods, and not actually fingers or bugs, but decided to let it ride.
He wondered if he could score some Pecan Sandies when they got home.END
mail me
