unmentionable
by Pares

It got to be so that you could tell when Teal'c wasn't looking at something. Jack turned his head a bit and squinted at Daniel for a long moment before speaking.

"Wait. Lemme guess: sometimes you just want to feel pretty?"

Daniel blinked at him before dropping his eyes to follow Jack's pointed gaze... to the powder blue satin boxers he was wearing. An elaborate D had been embroidered on them, in a darker shade of blue.

"Um. I can explain," he began. Jack could almost feel Teal'c manfully restraining The Eyebrow. After a pause, Daniel let out a pent up breath and said, "On second thought, I really can't."

Jack shook his head.

"Teal'c, you ever have this problem?"

"Undergarments are not a part of the standard Jaffa uniform."

Jack winced. Plate armor on the old pelvic girdle. That's gotta chafe.

"Thanks. For that."

Changing out in the men's locker room was gonna get downright suspenseful, Jack could tell.

*

Her name was Mindy. She was a civilian budget auditor with enough clearance to ask all kinds of peppery little mission questions, and enough personality to keep Jack from writing her off as a boring little pencil pusher. The fact that she was easy on the eyes didn't hurt.

Smaller than Frasier, and with enough nose for two civilian budget auditors, she had a tiny waist, shiny hair and big, soft doe eyes that she ogled Daniel with; overtly enough that even he noticed. And then they were dating, and Daniel was finally getting laid, and everything was hunky dory.

Until Daniel started showing up before missions in a rainbow of fine washables.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

This time, the boxers were matte silk, in a delicate lavender. The D was again in evidence, complete with fancy flourishes.

"They were a gift," Daniel said flatly, ears red and eyes locked on his boot laces.

"Can't you just... return them to the store? Trade 'em in for some nice BVDs?"

"Her father's a tailor. He does all his own embroidery. She keeps--" He made a vain, flapping gesture that suggested some kind of onslaught of naughty unmentionables. "Bringing them to me. In little boxes. Rolled up like canoli."

"Like canoli?"

"Can we... just not talk about this?"

"What if we don't talk about this, but you ask Little Miss Underpants to lay off in the lingerie department? It's just... disturbing, Daniel. And you're making Carter jealous."

That earned him a double take.

*

Later, on the surface of a mild, frilly pink planet full of flowering trees, Teal'c passed him on a steep incline to the summit of a hill and said, "I propose that Major Carter is not the only one who is jealous."

END

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