the hosiery of love
by Pares
When Brian Danny John Jacob Pendrell entered, a hush fell across the conference room.Skinner let Krycek out of the headlock he'd had him in, and Mulder dropped his gun. He and Skinner shared a look and then gaped at the slight, possibly Zombie!Pendrell. Alex Krycek, hacker, seaman, soldier, spy, merely curled a lip in distaste.
"Wait! Wait-- before you start, no I'm not dead. Or even undead. I was just on vacation in Hiatusvillamallawakaneealoa. It's one of the smaller imaginary Hawaiian islands."
Skinner and Mulder relaxed, visibly relieved.
"We're glad you're not dead, Agent Pendrell, " rumbled Skinner pleasantly. "Will you be back in the lab on Monday?"
Pendrell, still dressed in his festive getaway gear, was resplendent in neon lime Bermuda shorts and a yellow shortsleeved buttondown printed with Pineapples. They really bought out the orange in his hair.
He felt Krycek's eyes boring into him.
"What!?" he exclaimed peevishly, still irked about being left with nothing but a lavish fruit basket and an empty stateroom when Krycek had bailed out of their romantic Carnival Cruise at the last minute...
"What are... those?"
Pointing gravely, all eyes followed Krycek's directing finger, down Pendrell's charming kneecaps, along his fuzzy blonde legs, to his surprisingly dainty Birkenstocked feet.
"Oh, I got them at the Socks Shoppe while I was in Hiatusvillamallawakaneealoa. Don't you like them?"
Skinner, Krycek and Mulder all sniggered en masse.
"Those things are uglier than Mulder's ties," wheezed Skinner.
Mulder, stung, but deferring to the obvious truth of the statement continued to chortle weakly, leaning an elbow on Krycek's jacketed shoulder and laughing into the crook of his arm. Krycek shook his head, bemused.
Pendrell flushed as red as his edible cherry scented socks, neatly embroidered with tiny, perfect , red cherries all around the cuffs.
"Are those things perfumed?" asked Krycek incredulously.
"They're specially formulated to react with a virgin's pheromones and... make them irresistible. They're Sex Sox," he whimpered miserably, "And they were my last ditch effort to get laid."
"I thought I smelled something," Mulder murmured vaguely, nostrils flaring as he sniffed... and leaned more heavily against Krycek's strong shoulder.
Krycek shrugged him off and stepped closer, ever closer, to the downtrodden Pendrell.
"Baby, do you mean to tell me...?"
"They're edible, huh?" Interrupted Mulder, eyes alight with a strange hunger.
"Agent Pendrell, I don't believe I know a man as dependable, thorough, closely shaven, blue eyed, or as previously dead as you, you sweet little temptation..." Skinner's heavy hand closed on Pendrell's tender shoulder.
"Hold on a minute!" squeaked a flustered Pendrell.
"I'm really not an orgy kind of guy. No matter what CiCi may have told you, " he insisted, "I'm a one man kind of girl...er, boy. Um, man."
He glanced furtively from one hungry face to the other.
"I'm only going home with one of you... But I can't decide. You'll have to choose amongst yourselves."
Krycek held up a restraining hand, and then leaned in to lick the tip of Pendrell's pretty nose.
"All right, scrumptious. Boys, high card gets the night with our little virgin here."
He produced a deck from the pocket of his battered jacket, shuffled judiciously, and fanned the cards. He pointed to Skinner with his chin.
"You draw first."
"King of Spades," smiled Skinner, leering politely at the blushing Pendrell.
"King of clubs," crowed Mulder. Looks like I'll have to draw again--"
"Ah ah ah.... my turn first, Mulder."
He flashed his chosen card...
Ace of Hearts.
A dark little thrill of lust raced through Pendrell... Krycek took his elbow and steered him from the room under the jealous glare of the two other men.
"Alex," Pendrell whispered as he was ushered down the hallway. "Alex... did you stack the deck?" He asked shyly.
Krycek's mouth tightened.
"Why? Did you want to go home with someone else?"
"No, " Pendrell whispered, taking Krycek's rough hand in his soft one.
White gleam of pearly teeth, as his hand was warmly caressed.
"Of course I stacked the deck, baby." He squeezed Pendrell's hand again.
Another thrill of excitement ran through him, pooling in his groin-- a damp heat, not unlike the time a waiter had spilled a plate of Fettucini Alfredo in his lap, in its suddenness and blanketing warmth.
He sighed, perfectly content, as Krycek led him out of the building and toward the sweet darkness of his bedroom.
The End
